if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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