Me. At least after what I've been through.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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