You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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