I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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