no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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