I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen