tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.