pop tarts are not kleenex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
