Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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