i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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