I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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