I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
