Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
