Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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