You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
