I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
