I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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