Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
