She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
