we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
