I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
