im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
