You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
