i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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