My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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