the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
