After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
