When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
