She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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