seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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