Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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