My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
