And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
