I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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