what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
