you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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