I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
