I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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