I cannot find my penis.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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