Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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