you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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