Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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