So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
