porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
