I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
