I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
