I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
