My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
