I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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