Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
this will be a night to untag.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
