i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
