why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hippo gnu deer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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