The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My life is pants optional.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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