Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
