Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
