I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
