i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
