Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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