So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
