Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
pray to the hookup gods
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
