i was born a porn star she said
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
