So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my vagina is haunted
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
