I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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