Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
