Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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