guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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