so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
