i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
