there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
