Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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