I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
