# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
