just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
