My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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