is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize