i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
