i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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