so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
