What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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