I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
